He had made no, NO, effort to contact me. I kept playing this game in my head that "oh he must just be busy, it'll still work out." "That surely in an hour I'll have a text from him." Every day I did this, and everyday I was let down. I can only describe it by saying that it was like breaking up with myself: over and over and over again. He wouldn't take the step to tell me that I had false hope, so I just kept holding on... to nothing.
But today I couldn't handle the chaos anymore. The inner war with myself had to be extinguished.
I called him and told him that I couldn't live like this. That I was hoping that he would man up, and show me that he really wanted me, but with no avail. I then told him that he had to tell me what was going on.
He paused, and then said he couldn't give me what I wanted. But that he felt bad because he knows I don't do guy friends well, but that he wanted to be my friend. (then I said the part that I am proud of:) I said that I have been honest with him from the beginning, and that I would let him know if we couldn't be friends. I then said thank you for letting me know (FINALLY!) and that I needed to go.
No tears shed. It is total relief to finally know what the heck is going on!!!
What hurts the most is that he didn't respect our friendship enough to even tell me before now. That we hadn't talked for SO long and he didn't just shoot me a text asking me if everything was alright. He didn't make an effort, meaning he didn't care.
One day, I'll be loved.
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