WARNING: Longest Story in the History of Dating

Welcome to campus! Or shall I say welcome to my class?  The class of the most social boys on campus... or should I say desperate boys? I guess by the end of this post, you can decide.

Lets start with the one who I actually went on a date with: Shia Labeouf.  I sat by him the first day of class, and we hit it off.  He thought everything I said was funny, and I can't help it, I like people who enjoy my sense of humor.  From that day on we always had some sort of banter everyday, and though I wasn't attracted to him, I like having new friends. 

There was also Steve Carell (plus glasses) in my class. He thought that we had a "connection" since we have the same last name. (For future reference, when I get married I would like to change my name. None of this having to explain that we actually aren't previously related.)  Steve is one of those socially awkward boys who tell too much about themselves the first time you meet them.  He also was the first one to raise his hand for anything in class, and prided himself in being a teachers pet, even if he isn't the top student i.e. he was a suck up.  I seem to attract these kind, the ones who everyone looks at and feels bad that they aren't picking up the social cues. Steve would smile at me and try to walk home with me everyday after class.

This is why and how I became friends with Jude Law.  He was introduced to me by the girl in our class who lived next door to me.  He lived in the next apartment complex over from me and would walk my same direction everyday after class.  I started "forcing" him to walk with me to avoid Steve.  (Don't worry he knew all along that I was avoiding Steve, I wasn't straight up using Jude.)  Through our everday walks we became really good friends.

Then there is John Krasinski, my crush in the class.  I know, I know how many guys were in this class?!  Well, it was a social class to be sure. John made me nervous.  Like "I don't know what to say when I'm around you" nervous.  He was the guy I would hope to see around campus, the guy I did some "random" drive-by his apartment building, to see if he was around. Yes, I will admit I did stalk him on campus once, ok maybe twice, but really only twice.  Yes, a full out crush.  

Shia and the date: He asked me out and told me we were going bowling.  (I stink at bowling, that's another date story all together though!) He picked me up at about six thirty, and we started driving.  Since we really didn't know each other well we did the classical first date questions: ME: "Where are you from?"  HIM: "hahahaha Wyoming" ME: "what are you studying" HIM: "hahaha biology"  As I mentioned above he thinks I'm funny, but this was reaching a new height.  What's so funny about the answer of biology? I soon realized that after every comment or question I made, he would laugh. So then I felt this pressure to try and say funny things, so that we could both laugh.  This happened all night. I was trying to relive tension, and only made him laugh more. 

I was so consumed with trying to figure out what to do with this laughing hyena, that I didn't even realize that we had passed the bowling alley, that we had actually passed the city limits.  I was in a car with this stranger driving off into the dark abyss.  I realized that he could take me anywhere and have his way with me, and I would be totally alone.  I hoped that my asking wouldn't confirm my fears, but I did turn and point out that we passed the bowling alley. He said there had been a change of plans and we were headed out to a mountain to hit flaming golf balls in the dark. 


He was trying to be original, and I'll give him extra bonus points for this idea.  He went to a thrift store and bought some random clubs, and then bought golf balls and rubber cement. He poured the rubber cement on the ball and then would light it on fire.  We would hit them in the air and they would stay lit for a minute before going out.  (We were lucky there wasn't a lot of brush around, we really could have started a bad fire.) He bought quite a few golf balls, and he ended up hitting most of them  since I thought we were going bowling and was FREEZING. I wasn't expecting to be outside and wasn't dressed appropriately.  


At the beginning of the date we had been talking about our studies, and I had mentioned that I had a major test in the morning.  I think we could both tell this date wasn't going as expected, so after the golf balls were gone he took me home.  I wasn't complaining. 

TIP: I am a firm believer that first dates should either be double dates or short.  Then either way you have some sort of escape, and if it goes well there is always the second date.

Since this date we are still friends. I still say hi to him when I see him, but the interest just isn't there in his eyes anymore.  


The "flame" might have gone out for Shia, but it was still very apparent in Steve's eyes.  It's the "am I impressing you?" Look.  The "I'm giving you special attention" Look. Steve was laying it on thick.  He would bee-line it to sit by me in class. He even made a comment about me and Jude one day.  He hinted that there was something there, the kind of hint that they want you to correct them in.  I wasn't a total witch and just let him think that Jude and I were a couple.  I just told him the truth, we were just good friends. And we were, until I started noticing The Look from Jude too. 


I had the week previously invited Jude to a party my good friend was hosting.  This was a   couple party, meaning you needed a date.  I'm not shy about dating, and don't mind asking guys out if the situation needs it.  I invited him as a friend, since I was still too shy to ask John for a piece of paper. 


I couldn't just avoid Jude until The Look passes, like I seem to do with any other guy friends who start to get that Look in their eye. I had just made plans with him, and still needed to avoid Steve.  Especially since Steve had been brave enough to casually let me know that, (yes he really did say this) he had a whole chicken in his crock pot and wanted to know if I wanted to come over and eat with him. I really did have plans for lunch that day, and when he asked me about it the next time I saw him, I did something I try to avoid.. I turned him down. 


It's not like he was asking me on an actual date right? If you don't straight out ask me out I don't have to straight out say yes or no right? I feel better about myself by just avoiding the question. I know I'm awful...


Back to Jude, every time I saw him I pulled the "how are you buddy?"  "You are such a great friend, I am so glad we are just friends!"  -Can  you tell I hate and avoid confrontation?  I'll even admit I did the horrid, awful, "bring up the guy you like" thing. Yes I told him about my crush on John.  


By this time I was really trying to hint to John that I wanted him to ask me out. I would ask him what he was doing for fun the upcoming weekend, stating that I had no plans.  I would sit by him in the library, and ask him about what he was doing for dinner. What was always his answer?  Studying. I should have picked up on that hint... 


Or to make myself feel better he just is too dull to pick up MY hints.  That makes me look like less of a loser for throwing myself at his feet class after class.  I seriously, each class, would say or do something to try and get him to ask for my number. Hopefully he just never noticed, and wasn't blatantly trying to avoid this girl who was giving HIM The Look!  


Jude and I went on my date.  He was the most perfect date for me that night. The hostess, my good friend, was in over her head and I ended up co-hosting and left Jude to fend for himself a lot of the night.


I apologized over and over again for being a bad date, but he said he had a really fun time.  He was so great even though I ditched him to help in the kitchen numerous times. He is such a good sport that it really is too bad I'm not interested in him that way. 


Finale: 
Did anything ever go anywhere you might ask?  


Shia: is now married, as it has been quite a few months after all of this happened
Steve: started shifting his interest (thankfully) to a different girl in class. I think she liked him. 
John: never got my number, what a waste. 
Jude: and I are still good friends.  We still talk and keep in contact. 

My rules of dating and some helpful pointers:

Always say yes to a first date: you can't always judge a book by the cover.  Don't knock it until you try it. 
-I know that I broke my "always say yes to a first date" rule with Steve.  But I don't really count it since he never really asked me flat out...


Bonus points for Shia and his great idea for a date. Though if planning on using this date idea, beware of fire hazard.  

Tips for single men out there:

-If you are taking a girl out at night specify if dinner will be included. It is always so weird to not know if I should eat before or not, especially when I don't know the guy well enough to flat out ask if he is feeding me. I usually eat a piece of bread before the date so that I don't starve, and have some room for dinner if we do end up going. To make it easier, just specify please.


-Also if there has been a change in plans LET ME KNOW! Not that I don't like surprises, but just let me know the atmosphere of the date. Jacket, coat, heels, flats, tennis shoes? I want to look cute, and stay cool/warm. 
Much thanks- Ava 

It's Raining Men!

When it rains it pours.  I have found that in the dating world it is either feast or famine.  I either have everyone setting me up, weekend after weekend of dates, or nothing, zero-zip. 
Right now I am heading into a drought, but I still have some dates to catch you up on. 

Pray for Rain! 

Love, Ava

Can I get a PRAYER with that?

I went to a friend’s wedding reception where, to all cliché’s I met a boy, we'll call him Ron Howard. NO I did not go there to meet a boy, and I didn’t even catch the bouquet.  We just started talking, and shortly thereafter he asked my friend for my number.

He played it smart and for the first date we just went out to dinner. 

He had just recently returned from serving his LDS mission.  This causes a sort of awkward virtue in these fresh boys, resulting in a skewed date.  A lot of the talk was about experiences on his mission, and he did the awkward silent prayer on his food.  

Side Note: I believe in prayer, I believe that we do need to give thanks on all that God has given us, but I don't pray on dates.   No bowing of my head, no looking down and pausing.  Why? If on a date, and it is not the practice of your date, it sure makes things awkward i.e. me.   If you don't know the person well it also passes on the air of "holier than thou." It also sets a tension when I start chowing down and look up to see him praying.  What am I supposed to do?  Stare? Just keep eating?  Or how about when I start talking and then realize he is praying? Let's just say I'm not a fan.

We did have a pretty good time after the first stage of the date, so when Ron called me about an hour later telling me he wanted to see me again that the following night I accepted.  Ron was headed out of state in two days, so I had to call him back and tell him I forgot that I had already made plans to watch my brother's kids, but that he could come.

The kids slept most the time and we watched Shrek, he thought it was hilarious.  When my brother met him they talked all about hunting and later my brother told me that if I don't marry him, he would.  The more I got to know Ron, the more I realized all we have in common is our beliefs.  We don't have the same interest in music (all he listens to is gospel music), movies, or the same humor.  He went out of town and I haven't heard from him since.  This has been quite a while, and after looking on facebook he has unfriended me. Definitely won't be a third date.  

Do:
On first dates either make it a group date, or only do dinner. Then if it is a bad date you can talk to other people, or with only dinner it's only a short get to know you date. 

Don't:
Make a first date more awkward than it already is.  Keep the praying at restaurants to a minimum. 

Good Luck Chuck

I have this problem, or maybe it is a curse.  Like the movie, my last love encounters (no I don’t sleep around) have now all ended up married.  The last guy I kissed: married.  The last guy I held hands with: to be married next month.  I guess I am lucky that I date enough that there isn’t enough time between boys for my last date to already be hitched. 

Now I don’t want to state the obvious, but yes, it IS about time I get kissed.  Problem is, I don’t kiss on a first date and no one has made it past that recently. 

WANTED:
A knight in shining armor to make it past the towering first date, to kiss these frozen lips.
....and it would be an added bonus if he sticks around and doesn't get engaged shortly thereafter.

Love, Ava

How to smother the Bonfire of Love

How we met:

I was invited by my some guys in my complex to a bonfire. I wasn't so sure about what these boys were all about, so when my engaged roommate and her boy said they would come I knew I had an escape plan in place.

We drove outside the city about 30 minutes to where they had the bonfire set up.  There were quite a few people there, and someone had brilliantly brought a couch to sit on.  I don't know how it happened, but I ended up on the couch between these two guys.  We all started talking, and after figuring out that the load of crap they had been feeding me was a lie, quite a bit of time had passed. At that time my roommate was leaving and offered me a ride home, but these two boys said they'd make sure I had a ride. (this is the part where I am so grateful that my mom prays for me and that I didn't get killed by these random strangers)  We sat on that couch and talked for quite a while because I had to relearn everything about them, since they had been using my gullibility to their benefit.  I had believed all of their stories from where they had previously lived, what they were studying, all the way down to what their names and ages were.
We eventually headed back into the city and I finally was able to see what they really looked like.
They looked totally different than what I imagined. I could tell that they imagined me different too.

Pointer: this is why you never kiss random guys after meeting them at bonfires, or clubs, or any dimly lit venue.
Sidenote:  I'm an average looking girl.  Short, being in the lower five foot range, and average size.  I've never been the type that make guys take a second look, but I think I'm pretty.

It wasn't a shocking difference with them, but it was a "you look different, not bad but different."

One of them looks like Kevin Jonas:

I picked this picture because it almost catches him in a light that would make him comparable. Just imagine him with short hair and a receding hair line.  Oh, and add about 30 pounds. Then you would have this kid. 

And his friend looks like Cam Gigandet:
Exchange the blue eyes for brown and he was clean shaven.

This is the friend that I was digging, even before I saw them in the light.  He gave me a piggy back ride to the car and was just super fun and outgoing.  Once we got to their apartments, I felt his interest drain.... drats.

A few days later we did end up having dinner, the three of us, and went and played at a park.  Cam and I threw around a football while Kevin set up the slack rope.  For those who have no idea what this was I'll try and explain.  It is called slacklining, it's a climbing rope that people tie about three feet above the ground between two trees. Sort of like a tight rope, balancing barefoot across. Kevin loves it and through a lot of peer pressure convinced me to try it.  

Not going to lie it is super weird for me to remove shoes and socks in the middle of a random park and try to balance between trees.  Not a huge fan.  The situation was made even more awkward when he was trying to be all helpful and was trying to "balance" me.  He wasn't inappropriate, but I'm not the touchy-feely type. 

After this outing I never heard from Cam again, but I couldn't get rid of Kevin.

He would drop by my apartment all the time, and just sit around talking to my roommates.  They all thought he was really funny, but I felt like he was smothering.  He would do one of those lingering hugs, where I had stopped hugging and he just kept going.  He would guilt trip me into going to things with him, and finally convinced me to go on a date with him.

He took me swing dancing.  It was a good idea, since he did know what he was doing, but he doesn't understand that I have a bubble.  He just wants to be right in my space, all the time.  This made me wish that the time would go by faster, and eventually the date did end. 

He continued to keep on asking me out, and planning activities for us, making me feel really guilty when I canceled or was busy.  Kevin wanted me to spend all of my spare time with him, and acted like we were a couple.  Remind you I have only been on one date with him, and haven't done anything other than hug him.  He didn't pick up hints when I suggested we should do things with Cam, and after many awkward encounters I finally had to be frank with him. I ended up telling him that I needed some space.  He said he understood, and gratefully he backed off.  

Relationship Success:  Thumbs Down

He did have a fun idea for a date, but doesn't understand boundaries. If a girl doesn't linger longer during a hug, read the signs.  A relationship is two sided, you can't run while holding the hand of someone walking. 

Also don't guilt trip people into liking you.  If a girl cancels, or actually has other priorities, get a hint and cut her some slack.  And I don't mean the slackline kind.